New Teacher Orientation
Mood:  a-ok
New Teacher Orientation

After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching prospect said,

"Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room with all those kids, and

fill their every waking moment with a love for learning. And I'm supposed to instill a sense

of pride in their ethnicity, modify their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of

abuse and even censor their t-shirt messages and dress habits. You want me to wage a

war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, check their backpacks for weapons of

mass destruction, and raise their self esteem.. You want me to teach them patriotism,

good citizenship, sportsmanship, fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a

checkbook, and how to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a safe

environment, recognize signs of anti-social behavior, offer advice, write letters of

recommendation for student employment and scholarships, encourage respect for the

cultural diversity of others, and oh, make sure that I give the girls in my class fifty percent

of my attention! My contract requires me to work on my own time after school, evenings

and weekends grading papers. Also, I must spend my summer vacation, at my own

expense, working toward advance certification and a Masters degree. And on my own

time you want me to attend committee and faculty meetings, PTA meetings, and

participate in staff development training. I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life,

such that my very presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of

authority. You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience, monitor

web sites, and relate personally with each student. That includes deciding who might be

potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit a crime in school. I am to make sure all

students pass the mandatory state exams, even those who don't come to school

regularly or complete any of their assignments. Plus, I am to make sure that all of the

students with handicaps get an equal education regardless of the extent of their mental

or physical handicap. And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter,

telephone, newsletter and report card. All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a

computer, a few books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that

qualifies my family for food stamps!

You want me to do all of this and yet you expect me......

NOT TO PRAY?